I’m not going to lie; it’s a little uncomfortable for me to write this blog. It’s bringing up emotions I’ve spent a lot of time burying, and I guess I’ll explain more as I go on.
Forelsket. It’s the rush of emotion you feel when first falling in love. All of those happy chemicals rushing to your brain. You feel like you’re walking on air. A constant flutter has nested itself right below your heart and every time you see or get a text or call from your person, that flutter wakes up and journeys from your to your throat to your stomach and back again. You start listening to super cheesy love songs all the time. You hum them when your iPod isn’t handy. All of your romantic dreams are finally coming true.
So why is it a bit difficult for me to write about this? Well, I haven’t felt forelsket in three years. I haven’t even had so much as a crush. I guess this is partially a positive thing because I used to hate getting all those butterflies and feelings for someone in vain. Looking back on 99% of my crushes, they all wound up being unfortunate in the end and I’m grateful they didn’t reciprocate. But oh, when it is reciprocated, it’s such a great feeling. Especially when you find out you both get each other in many ways.
For most relationships, forelsket wears off and you start to see the faults you ignored because of forelsket. Either you love them regardless of their failings, or their failings become deal-breakers that wind up snuffing out the giddy love you felt at the start.
You can probably guess which one happened to me. I know I made the right choice in the end, but there are still days when I look back to the start of the relationship and miss the dizzying feeling of fresh love. I miss seeing the world through love-tinted glasses, taking pleasure in nearly everything…forelsket is kind of like a shot of Novocain to your soul. I hope one day I stop being cynical and find it again.